Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
