When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
