the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
