someone get that fucking seahorse.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can I color on your dick again?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
