Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
