there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
