She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
