Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
