3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
