i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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