I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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