I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
