I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
