omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
