That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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