only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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