apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
