At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
