just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
