I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
