dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
