i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
