Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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