you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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