Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
