I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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