I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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