we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
