remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
did i just pee glitter
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
