she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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