im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
