You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
