I can't watch pbs sober anymore
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
