she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
