I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
