How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
