What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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