I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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