I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
