Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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