i think my tv is drunk
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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