Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
