I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
