She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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