turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
