How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
