Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
