It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
