You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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