Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
