Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
