Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
