Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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