Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
