beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
