Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
