apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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