I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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