jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
