ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
