i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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