I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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