That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
fuck your aforementioned shoe
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
