You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
