Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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