Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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